


Michael's Confession

by Miss_Inquisitive_Sci_fi



Series: A New Future [1]
Category: Star Trek: Discovery
Genre: Dying Confessions, F/M, First Kiss, Hurt/Comfort, Michael's POV, Michael/Pike, Pike POV, Pike Whump, Sibling Bonding
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-25
Updated: 2019-05-03
Packaged: 2020-02-04 09:00:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 14,620
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18601303
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Miss_Inquisitive_Sci_fi/pseuds/Miss_Inquisitive_Sci_fi
Summary: Michael felt like she had fallen into one of Captain Pike’s stories from the Enterprise, where away missions were full of beauty, wonder and mystery. Predictably, like everything in Michael’s life, the moment of bliss fell into chaos. Following a harrowing accident Michael must face everything she has kept hidden from her friends, herself, and her Captain. Pike Whump. Michael/Pike.





	1. Chapter 1

Oppressive heat, sticky humid air, the taste of rain, the earthy smell of dirt and vegetation, buzzing insects with uncountable wings, small reptile-like creatures with the ability to turn invisible, and most recently the appearance of a red signal. All these things belonged to the planet only known as Zatour IV which was the fourth planet in the Zatour system, way out in the Gamma quadrant. 

Discovery had made use of the spore drive to travel this far out, who knew what they would do if anything happened to Stamets of the transport system. Michael shuddered at the concept and eradicated it as unhelpful, such thoughts were not logical and stemmed from fear of being lost.

Michael glanced round the planet again and marvelled how much the space reminded her of a rainforest back on Earth, not that she’d ever been of course but she’d seen holo-vids of the environment. Even though the atmosphere was hot and sticky the heat was not unwelcome; it reminded her of Vulcan and she found slipping back into the weather easy. As did Spock and surprisingly Captain Pike. 

He had smiled at the pair of them when Spock mentioned the temperature and that it might not be comfortable to human’s, Michael excluded as she had grown up on Vulcan under oppressive conditions. Pike surprisingly had chuckled and clapped Spock on the shoulder saying that this was nothing compared to peak summer in Mojave out on the ranch, he’d grown up in a heat much drier than this. Michael knew Earth temperature’s couldn’t compare to Vulcan but the Captain did have a point when he explained that not only did he handle the heat as a boy: he exercised in it. Riding horses and running all day long in the blazing sun. 

Michael felt a surprising warmth swell in her chest as she watched the Captain reminisce on the past, the way his eyes sparkled when he described the freedom of riding. She could even imagine a blue-eyed boy, face covered in grime and dirt most likely, with a wide grin plastered to his face as he rode Tango faster and faster, laughing when the wind whipped his hair. It was clear he loved his home dearly and he was sharing precious memories with his friends; Michael would cherish them with all she had. She had already memorised the way his face lit up and his hands danced as he told a story of the past, she committed the deep rumble of laughter and the easy going lightness to his features that had been missing for far too long.

Coming away from the ship, away from the problems aboard and pressures of command had done all three of them the world of good. Down here they were only amongst each other’s company; they were comfortable together and Michael relished the feeling. This was what she loved about Starfleet, moments like this when she felt part of a family.

Of course there was a reason for their little excursion, a red signal. Just like the others it had disappeared but interestingly only when they had beamed down planet side, not when they reached the planet like it had all those other times. The curious change in behaviour meant the Captain wanted to see what was so special about this signal with his own eyes, he had immediately chosen Michael and Spock to accompany him after seeing the planet’s atmosphere difficulties.

The trio had beamed down not long after; arriving in the middle of a dense thicket and surrounded on all sides by no end of native wildlife. This had been the exact location of the signal but sadly the source had disappeared as soon as they stepped foot on the planet, earning a disappointed pout from Pike, a raised eyebrow from Spock and a weary sigh from Michael. They had thought this one would be different, that they would finally be able to analyse a red signal up close, they had been wrong.

“All I wanted was one damn red thing.” Pike moaned miserably staring at the point where it should be like he was accusing the air of hiding it’s secrets.

Michael cracked a smile and pulled out her tricorder, followed shortly by Spock who began to scan the air round them for any remnants of anything. After a few seconds they both glanced at one another and came to the same conclusion, whatever had been here was now completely gone.

Michael decided to break the bad news. “Sorry Captain but _your_ red thing is gone.”

Pike glared at her use of the word _your._ He soon brushed off the disappointment and glanced round the planet and sighed. “Well we might as well take a look round whilst we’re down here.” 

Michael hid her smile and nodded in agreement. “Yes. That signal led us here for a reason.”

Spock latched onto Michael’s assumption. “You assume the signal’s have purpose.”

“You assume they don’t?” Michael retorted automatically falling back into the familiar sibling dance.

Spock brushed aside the question. “We don’t have enough information about their creation, intent or purpose.”

“No, but we do know that every signal in the past has led to some significant event.” Without really thinking her legs had carried her closer to Spock, they were now only a few inches apart. “I believe the same is true here.”

Spock tilted his head curiously and took in her resolute expression. “Perhaps.”

Michael had forgotten how infuriating her brother could be; they were both as stubborn as each other and that rarely ended well. They studied each other silently for some time until Michael became aware of Pike’s scrutiny. He was looking between the two of them; a small smile spreading across his face like he was enjoying their banter.

Pike chuckled then led the way out of the thicket. “Come on kids.” He called over his shoulder.

***

The trio didn’t have to walk far to come across some signs of an ancient civilisation. They studied ruins and scanned strange stone statues; the carvings fascinated both Spock and Michael. On Discovery there hadn’t been any information about the inhabitants of this world, it had never been studied before by the Federation. Even the sphere data was surprisingly mute on the point. So they had to gather what information they could the old fashioned way, like explorers did. Michael mused that Spock and Pike must feel right at home with this, this is what the Enterprise did on it’s 5 year mission.

When they had scanned the planet they hadn’t found any distinguishable life signs, or signs of any advanced civilisation. To be more precise they hadn’t found signs of any civilisation of any kind, well an active one at least. The ruins they had stumbled upon did indicate that at some point there was intelligent life, or at least sentient life on the planet. Other than small abandoned structures the planet was deserted, there was nothing to indicate current intelligent life and there were predictably no answers to hails on any channel. So the question remained why had the red signal appeared here? What was Zatour hiding?

Even though they were supposedly alone down here all three of them remained cautious and on alert, all they had to go on were their senses and what their equipment was telling them. Michael had already catalogued more than a dozen indigenous species, thankfully nothing violent or big enough to cause any concern; she and Spock had been carefully scanning each new phenomena just to make sure it wouldn’t react badly to their biology. 

It was strange watching Spock in his element, strange but not unpleasant. She studied her brother and felt a smile tug at her lips, thankful that she had gotten this opportunity to see Spock at work and dare she say _happy._ He had his nose almost pressed against his tricorder, calculating possibilities and glancing round the new planet with child-like wonder. Michael mused she was getting a glimpse into Spock’s day to day life. Enterprise literally did this for a living, exploring where no other’s had been before.

Michael glanced over at the Captain who was watching Spock fondly too, a relaxed smile spreading across his face as he watched his science officer get embedded within the mystery of the planet. It must be good for the Captain to see Spock back to this after all the pressure he had been under recently, she knew how worried Pike had become about his officer.

That was the kind of Captain he was though; he worried about everyone under his command and noticed the slightest change in any of them. She and the Captain had had many long evening discussions about Spock especially when he had first arrived aboard Discovery; when he had been lost within himself and struggling daily with intense emotions.

Michael had been a little dubious at first that Pike had chosen her and Spock for this away mission, but seeing this moment now made it all make sense. The Captain and Michael knew Spock better than anyone and this was a good indicator to see how he was coping, away from the pressures of the ship and an unfamiliar crew. Being here amongst all of this was where Spock felt most alive, where he could truly be himself.

Pike caught her watching and smiled softly at her, the usual stress lines that marked his face had been replaced by something lighter. He indicated for her to look at something, mirth dancing in his gaze.

Michael followed his eyes and noticed that Spock was kneeling down beside a boulder, reaching out curiously to touch something. Intrigued, Michael quietly padded closer to get a better look. She almost stumbled back the way she came, her head tilting to the side in wonder as she watched what Spock was doing.

The only way she could really describe the phenomena was fireflies. Specks of luminescent light of all different colours swirled in the air around Spock’s hand, reacting to his touch like he was a magnet. The lights folded around his hands, through his fingers and continuously morphed into new patterns. It reminded Michael of a conductor the way Spock made the specks move around his limb.

Michael had rarely seen such emotion on her brother’s face. His jaw was slack, his usually tense shoulders were relaxed and still, his breathing had deepened dramatically. Michael could read the minute signs all over Spock’s body, he was in _awe._ Seeing this precious moment was heart-warming to say the least.

She hadn’t thought her brother could still be capable of _this_ after the pain she had caused him in their childhood. Michael felt herself welling up at the memory so she brutally knocked it aside. That was the past and this was now. In this moment Spock was as curious and full of wonder as he had been as a child, the stress and burdens had fallen away so he could simply live in the moment.

Spock snapped out of the spell abruptly aware that he had company. He schooled his expression hastily, although a happy gleam remained in his eyes. Spock glanced over his shoulder to Pike who slipped in next to his officer easily. Michael marvelled at how comfortable they were round one another; she was beginning to think she was witnessing what Spock experienced on Enterprise. Shamefully she felt a pang of jealousy at seeing how closer her brother and the Captain were.

“What you got Spock?” Pike watched the phenomena with the same child-like astonishment that Spock did, the explorer in him taking over. 

Spock spun his hand through the air and they all marvelled as the specks of light danced with him, making intricate patterns and swirling round each other like dancers. “I’m unsure Captain, but they seem to respond to me.” 

Spock dropped his hand out of the light and the specks fell motionless, then dropped slowly to hover above the boulder. He tapped some more commands on his data pad. “According to our equipment they don’t exist.”

Michael watched Pike’s curious gaze and smiled at the image the pair made knelt together in the dirt, fascinated by the unknown.

“Huh.” Pike reached out gently with his own hand, and Michael noticed Spock snap to the movement. The Captain touched the light just like Spock had but frowned when nothing happened. He carefully moved his hand around the phenomena but still the lights remained where they were.

Michael could have laughed at the way the Captain pouted in disappointment, like a child denied a treat. “I think I broke it.” He huffed.

The comment did it for Michael, she chuckled softly and Spock’s eyes danced with humour. The Vulcan reached out a hand and tilted his head curiously when the lights responded to him just as before; he shared a look with Pike and indicated for the Captain to try again.

Pike did but still nothing, the lights would only move around Spock’s hand. Curiosity had now deeply embedded itself in Michael’s mind, there was nothing like an unanswered question. She and Spock came up with the same idea at the same time. 

“Michael would you-“ Spock halted mid question as he saw she was already crouching down to try for herself.

They all watched carefully as Michael reached out a hand; she had to admit she was a little disappointed when nothing happened but not at all surprised. She had a working theory why Spock was special and she was sure he did too.

Pike glanced at Spock suspiciously. “Care to share your magical powers with the rest of the class Spock?” He had a bemused smile firmly in place and his eyes were swimming with mirth.

Spock glanced at the Captain and his eyebrow rose signalling so many emotions for those who knew him well. “Vulcan’s are not magical Captain.” 

Michael snorted. “I believe the phenomena are reacting differently to us because of our different biologies.” 

Pike glanced from the lights to Spock a thoughtful expression on his face. “What could be so different between us that would cause this?”

Michael jumped in. “I surmise it’s probably the blood.”

Spock looked at her and Michael thought she caught a flicker of pride before it disappeared behind the Vulcan mask. “I agree.”

“Blood?” Pike asked, clearly confused.

“Vulcan’s have copper based blood, whereas a human’s blood is based on iron. The lights seem to react to my hand like an element would so that is the most likely solution.” Spock answered.

Pike grinned wolfishly. “And here I thought you were playing a trick on me.”

Spock got to his feet shaking his head. “I would never do such a thing Captain.” He dead panned, like butter wouldn’t melt.

The Captain got to his feet too and shook his head laughing, not believing a word of it. “Of course not Spock.”

Michael observed the pair’s familiar interaction and felt another pang of wanting. Ever since Christopher Pike had taken command of Discovery he had shown the whole crew what it was like to have a Captain that believed in morals, that showcased what it was like to be good and demonstrated everything Starfleet should be. 

Burnham was not looking forward to the day when he left not only because he was a great Captain, but because he was a good man. _And she had fallen for him._

She shook the perilous thought away as soon as it entered her mind, well aware that Spock was close by and he could never be allowed to find out the truth. Her brother was a touch telepath just like most Vulcan’s. Any dangerous thoughts about her darkest secrets should be kept locked down in the deepest recess’ of her mind, far away from where anyone could notice or god forbid hear them.

It wasn’t like she had chosen to fall head over heels in love with the Captain. She couldn’t even pinpoint how or when it happened, nor when she truly became aware of her feelings. All Michael knew was it was becoming difficult to even be around him, she had to sensor her thoughts and her reactions. When he smiled at her she felt her insides flutter madly, when he teased and joked she fell apart into a crumpled mess. 

She only hoped it wasn’t obvious to anyone else, and most importantly the Captain himself. They had started to spend more and more time together on the lead up to finding Spock, and even more once her brother was aboard. Every time he invited her to his quarters to fill in reports or simply to talk she would get unbelievably nervous, terrified that she would do or say something inappropriate.

Conversations that started as strictly work or about the best ways to get through to Spock quickly derailed, it wasn’t long before they were sharing stories of service, of their childhoods. Michael would spend hours with Chris, drinking, playing games, talking.

My god the man was a first class story teller. She would get so riveted by his stories of Enterprise and their missions; he would literally have her on the edge of her seat and would tease out the resolution each time. He would laugh at her expression when she cottoned on that he was deliberately drawing things out, giggling together like school children when they shared funny aspects of Spock’s personality.

The first time his hand had brushed hers she remembered having to hold back the shiver it caused; the heated desire such a simple touch brought on. Thankfully Pike remained oblivious so they were still comfortable around one another; Michael didn’t want to ruin their friendship with her awkwardness.

During these talks Michael found out more about her brother from Pike than she ever had from growing up with him, from the sounds of it they had grown very close and Michael was beginning to see why. It was strange she almost felt like she had fallen into one of Chris’ stories, the three of them being here exploring, Spock’s attitude and his ease with being around and joking with his Captain.

Spock didn’t tease often and never with anyone lightly.

“Michael?” 

She snapped out of her daze like she had been doused in cold water and spun to the voice, _his voice._

Pike and Spock were halfway out of the clearing with identical concerned expressions on their face’s. Michael felt herself flush and realised she had completely gone off the deep end, it wasn’t the first time this had happened when she got lost in thoughts of her Captain and she doubted it would be her last.

She straightened and walked over to the pair, plastering a strained smile to her face. “Sorry Sir, ready to go.”

Pike studied her carefully for a few moments and Michael had to fight down the flare of _heat_ that spread through her when his eyes flicked up and down her body. He didn’t look entirely convinced but nodded once, met her eyes again and turned to walk away, a curious expression flashing across his face for a second.

Michael made to follow but noticed Spock was still staring at her, an unreadable expression on his face. Michael wanted to break apart that expression and work out what Spock was thinking but he simply caught her eye, held her stare for a second then turned to walk away too.

Michael blinked a few times and resisted the urge to crumple to the ground; she had a nasty suspicion Spock had just seen everything she had been fighting to keep hidden. She glanced up at the sky and muttered. “Why me?”


	2. Chapter 2

Captain Pike led the trio through the thick undergrowth, swatting away palm fronds and overhanging branches with ease. Michael had been having trouble keeping her wandering eyes off of him, specifically the warm smile that been growing as he chatted happily with Spock, the way his muscles bulged under his uniform when he slashed aside more vegetation, the wonder in his eyes as he took in a whole new world. 

This infatuation was getting out of control. She had caught herself on more than one occasion mirroring the Captain’s movements, and wanting to reach out and touch him. She clenched her fists whenever a wave of heat got too strong and she felt her face flush, the physical symptoms of attraction were becoming harder and harder to deny. Thankfully the atmosphere was baking so all three of them had red faces and were sweating more than usual; that was the only reason her reactions had so far stayed under the radar.

Spock was leading the direction, using faint readings of disturbance up ahead to plan their movements. The energy signature was somewhat similar to the red angel’s signal, Michael and Spock didn’t believe in coincidences so they started to follow the disturbance. 

It was difficult to feel uneasy in this place even though Michael knew she should, they were literally venturing out into the unknown yet she couldn’t help but be thrilled by the adventure. She had to keep reminding herself that any dangers could lurk here and she was the one responsible for covering all their backs. So far the planet had shown them great beauty and wonders but they all had to keep reminding themselves of the reason why they were all here, and what chaos usually came after the appearance of a red signal.

Out of nowhere Michael’s instincts peaked and she noticed Spock stiffen as well. She felt subtle vibrations run through the ground, they were small at first barely noticeable, until suddenly they weren’t. Violent tremors shook the ground beneath their feet, sending wildlife from all directions fleeing to the sky in horror. 

Michael wobbled for a moment and almost lost her footing entirely then just as suddenly as the quake had started it stopped; they all looked to the sky when a loud bang echoed out and rumbled like a thunder strike. Some kind of energy wave rocked the sky and lit up the entire space like a nebula igniting. 

The dazzling light disappeared into nothing and the thundering noise fell silent; all that remained was a strange tingling metallic taste to the air like the strike had charged the molecules. Michael stared up into the sky and saw hundreds of specks of light swirling and dancing in the air; it would have been unbelievably beautiful if it didn’t make the hairs on the back of her neck stand up sensing danger.

“What the hell was that?” Pike had his hand on his phaser and his jaw was clenched, glancing round the area and squinting at the air suspiciously.

Michael’s gaze snapped to her brother when Spock uncharacteristically hit the side of his tricorder, Michael noticed the screen was completely blank. Her bad feeling was growing.

“Maybe we should ask Discovery.” Michael mused, all the while studying their surroundings carefully unsure why she was suddenly so on edge.

The Captain noticed her anxious reaction and started to mirror it. Nothing had really changed yet everything on the planet felt different, like the warmth and happiness had been stolen and replaced by a haunting chill. Whatever wonder they had felt here before was gone, cruelly eradicated by this sense of danger.

“Agreed.” The Captain nodded pulling out his communicator. “Pike to Discovery come in.”

Michael knew there was something deeply wrong when she couldn’t even hear static, it sounded like the communicator was completely dead just like Spock’s tricorder. After watching Pike struggle with the device they all flipped open their communicators and tried to get through to the ship, or get any response at all from the devices. Disappointingly none of them worked, they were all completely dead.

“Nothing.” Pike slapped the communicator against his hand thoughtfully, glancing up at the lights in the air above them.

Spock was already busy breaking open the communicators and Michael’s heart fell when she saw there was no power in any of their equipment, which meant… Michael unclipped her phaser and tried powering it up, scowling at the weapon when it refused to respond.

“We’ve lost all power.” Michael grimly announced.

Spock glanced at her. “So it would seem.”

So they had no way to contact the ship, no way to defend themselves and hardly anything on them for survival except the basics. They had never dreamed this would happen, not after scanning the surface and finding no sign of this. The energy wave must have been of natural creation, there was no other explanation for it. Michael turned to the Captain who had just finished checking his own weapon, a frown etched deeply into his features and sporting a grim pout.

“So, we appear to be stuck here for the time being.” He glanced at both of them. “Suggestions?”

This was yet another reason why Chris was such a good Captain. He valued his crew’s opinions above everything else; he recognised they were his number one resource and he always made them feel valued.

Michael’s mind formulated a plan quickly. “Discovery will try and contact us when the check-in time comes round. When they get no response they’ll come looking.”

“They’ll most likely start where they last had contact with us.” Pike mused, glancing back the way they came. “Which was about 10 minutes that way.”

“I can try and tie together our equipment, there might be just enough power left to send off a distress signal.” Spock added.

Pike nodded happily. “Do it. We’ll head back-“

Whatever the Captain was about to say was cut off as an almighty roar echoed throughout the space, sending wildlife scurrying away in all directions. All three officer’s snapped round to the sound, postures stiffening and falling back into defensive position’s automatically. Michael scanned the undergrowth meticulously looking for any signs of threat, and they all went for their phasers before remembering they were out of commission.

Michael gulped nervously and attempted to shake off the tremors that rocked her body. Whatever had made that sound had been close and it sounded _big._ “What was-“

Michael’s words caught in her throat when the undergrowth came to life and something black and huge bounded towards them, _towards her._ She froze completely, rooted to the spot like her legs had suddenly become magnetised to the planet. She could see the beast coming towards her yet she couldn’t, time became skewed and all Michael could do was stare mouth agape in pure terror.

"Michael!" She heard someone frantically scream her name as the thing bounded into her. She lost her footing instantly and felt all the breath leave her lungs. The force sent her flying backwards and the beast’s claws sliced into the front of her uniform; leaving a vicious trail of fire in it’s wake.

It was a strange sensation, whereas moments earlier time had slowed down to a crawl it had now finally sped up so in no time she was crashing heavily into the ground. She gasped painfully and sat up frantically, staring into the creatures maddened eyes. Michael had rarely felt genuine _visceral_ fear like this, her brain wouldn’t respond, her limbs wouldn’t move, hell she couldn’t even breathe.

The beast reared back and Michael’s brain supplied that it was about to pounce again and she belatedly realised she still hadn’t moved. Microseconds before it launched someone rushed the beast from the side, yelling to distract it while the body crashed into it with enough force to push them both aside.

Michael’s eyes bulged and she suddenly felt so cold, all the way to her core. In her shocked state it took her a few moments to realise that the blur tangled with the beast had been Captain Pike, and _oh my God,_ he had just tackled a monster like he was playing a game of american football.

“Captain!” She cried out and jumped to her feet, her brain finally kicking into gear.

The creature had already dislodged it’s attacker and was now busy trying to get it’s huge jaw around the Captain’s head. Pike was fighting it off valiantly, holding the blood soaked teeth at bay with just his hands. The Captain’s muscles shook all over from the force needed to keep death at bay; he staggered under the weight of the thing and cried out continuously when the creature’s claws gouged his chest over and over.

“Michael catch!”

Michael spun round and automatically brought her hand up to catch whatever was coming her way, Spock had tossed her a tree branch which he had somehow set on fire. Michael immediately caught onto his plan and raced forward towards the beast waving the fire madly in it’s face. Spock joined in the fight from the other side.

Sadly they didn’t reach the Captain before he lost his footing and tumbled beneath the monster’s weight, being crushed by it as it’s greater mass landed on top of him. Michael’s breath caught and she almost stumbled to a halt when the beast’s teeth disappeared into Pike’s shoulder. 

The Captain screamed. Michael would never forget that scream for as long as she lived, the visceral pain and agony, the despair and misery all bound together in that one moment of unbelievable hurting. That scream was haunting.

Michael and Spock rushed forward and batted the creature with the fire making it jump off of its victim in horror; darting backwards away from the licking flames chasing it. Michael and Spock put their own bodies between the Captain, who had worryingly gone quiet and still, and the starving creature.

Michael looked into the beast’s eyes as she pushed the fire towards it, seeing how often it kept looking at its potential meal splayed out on the floor. Michael trembled as she watched blood dripping from its lips, _his_ blood.

Eventually it’s survival instincts kicked in and the beast growled at them before bounding away into the forest not willing to fight against the unknown element. Michael was glad Spock had been able to function when she hadn’t; his quick thinking had most definitely saved their lives. Speaking of which.

"Captain!" Michael cried again and raced over to his body dropping the burning torch nearby.

She reached his bloody form and her heart clenched painfully when she saw his eyes were closed, his breathing was so shallow and his skin was pale and already clammy. There was so much blood; he almost looked dead. Michael reached out a shaking hand and checked for a pulse, relieved when she felt a thready thrum beneath her fingers.

"He's alive, but his pulse is weak." She informed Spock who was standing guard over both of them having picked up Michael's downed torch. 

Michael shook out of her jacket and pressed it against the Captain’s wounds desperately trying to stench the bleeding. She honestly didn’t even know where to start but it was his shoulder that had a huge chunk missing out of it so she pressed most of the material there; despairing at how much blood had already left Pike’s body.

“There's so much blood Spock." She whispered shakily, realising she was panicking. No matter how much training they had had nothing could prepare them for this, for the ferocity of this and how it made her feel like her world was ending.

Spock glanced down at the Captain and Michael saw unfettered emotion flash across his face, _worry, fear, panic._ It scared her more than her own weaknesses. Spock didn’t lose control. He sensed her staring and quickly schooled his emotions, kneeling down and shrugging out of his jacket too.

"We've got to stem this bleeding." He ordered, ripping his and her jackets to shreds. Michael soon got the idea and helped him rip up the material to create makeshift bandages. Michael followed Spock’s example and cast her emotions aside. Chris, _no the Captain,_ needed them both if he were to survive this.

They worked methodically and quickly, shifting Pike over and holding him up between them as they wrapped his wounds tightly with what little material they had. Worryingly Pike was quiet and still throughout the affair, head lolling limply against his chest and showing no outward signs of their prodding. Michael had to keep checking his pulse to make sure he was still with them.

Spock noticed her touch and glanced at her. "He's alive Michael, the pain is just too much for him.”

Michael frowned and cocked her head to the side, her lips pursed. She wasn’t sure how Spock could know such a thing for definite until she noticed her brother’s hand was in contact with the Captain’s skin. He was touch telepathic and had clearly been inside the Captain’s mind to check on his wellbeing.

"Is he holding on?" Michael asked her brother unable to keep the quiver out of her voice, she didn’t even know if she wanted to hear the answer.

Spock looked at her, maybe with a hint of sympathy. "He is." He then reached out and took Michael's hand in his own. "Captain Pike does not give up easily.”

Michael caught flashes of memories that were not her own, Spock and Pike aboard enterprise, handfuls of close scrapes with the both of them always pulling through. She pulled away from the touch gasping like she’d been burned by fire; it had been so long since her and Spock’s minds had touched. 

She had seen his memories of the Captain what if Spock had seen hers? More importantly had he seen her deepest darkest secret? He looked at her like he was looking into her soul and she couldn't pull away from it, _oh yeah he had definitely seen._

Their attention snapped to their Captain as he moaned miserably and shifted beneath them. Spock glanced from him to their surroundings and then back to Michael. "We've got to get to shelter, somewhere we can fend off further attacks.”

Michael nodded in agreement, looking down at their Captain with sympathy. Moving him would hurt a lot but what choice did they have? "Where do you suggest?”

Spock pointed north. "Before my equipment ceased to function the readings suggested several underground sites not far from here. I believe the terrain will provide good shelter where the Captain can rest.”

Michael's mind raced through her survival training, realising she hadn't needed to think like this in quite some time. "Okay. We'll need to find a source of water, we’ve only got the basics on us." 

Spock nodded grimly then looked down at the Captain who had mercifully passed out again, a thin sheet of sweat covered his face and incredibly he looked even paler. Spock took the Captain’s shoulder in one hand and indicated Michael do the same. "We should get moving before that creature decides to come back.”

***

Michael glanced over her shoulder again for the umpteenth time, checking Spock was still in her wake and coping well enough. After they had agreed to move to safer ground Michael had helped Spock pick the Captain up in a fireman’s lift. They had tried to be as gentle as possible but that was easier said than done. The Captain had flesh ripped out of him all over his body so trying to find an area that wouldn’t hurt him was impossible.

After some trial and error they had both decided on a sideway’s position so the Captain was resting over Spock’s shoulder, carefully angling his body away so the shoulder with chunks missing wasn’t pressing into Spock’s chest every step. Spock had a tight hold of Pike and Michael ended up looking back when she heard her brother shifting the Captain, calming down when she saw he was just making sure Pike’s shoulder wasn’t trapped. 

Michael’s heart clenched painfully every time she caught sight of the Captain. The deathlike pallor of his face, the way his limp arm hung down and swayed with Spock’s steps, the crimson blood dripping from his wounds covering both him and Spock entirely, his sweat and blood soaked hair plastered to his face. He looked half dead and honestly Michael barely recognised him. Where was the usual warmth he exuded? Where was the happy glint in his eye? Where was that smile she had grown to love?

She reluctantly looked away and continued pressing onwards, holding out the two flaming torches to clear their path. Michael had repeatedly offered to take over carrying Pike but her brother had waved her off, arguing that he was a lot stronger than her and that he was coping just fine. Michael pursed her lips unhappily but held her tongue. She knew better than to argue with her brother he was more stubborn than she was.

They’d only been travelling for 10 minutes and it had mostly been in complete silence. The only time the Captain had made a sound or stirred was when Spock and Michael had first lifted him to put him on Spock’s shoulder. He had screamed in agony and flailed against the unfamiliar hold, already deep within the throes of misery to understand anything that was happening to him. Mercifully the screams had died out when he passed out and he had been silent ever since.

When he had screamed again Michael had almost lost all ability to support herself, her breathing had slowed and become shallow. Listening to Chris in pure agony had almost broken her heart in two. He had tackled a beast with his bare hands knowing where it would lead, and he had done it all to protect her. The Captain had tackled a monster to save her life. 

Every time she saw the misery on his face, the tremors that ran through his body; she flashed back to the predator. She flashed back to the murderous hunger in it’s eyes and couldn’t get the blood drenched teeth out of her mind.

A sudden whimpering sound followed by an outcry forced Michael to shoot a concerned glance backwards, what she saw actually made her stumble and it was only a miracle that stopped her from falling over entirely. She had seen the Captain’s head move. He was awake, face screwed up partly in confusion partly in pain; he was desperately trying to work out why he was upside down.

"What?" Pike muttered before crying out again, moaning miserably as fire burned through his shoulder.

Michael watched Spock stiffen and he slowed his steps right down, conscious that every movement he made sent untold misery through to Pike. "Its alright Captain, we're moving to safer ground." 

Michael saw when Pike lost the strength to hold his head up, letting it sag against Spock’s chest. He gasped and cried out with each step Spock took, further blood dripping from his face and wounds to stain both of their uniforms.

"Spock." Pike muttered weakly against Spock’s shoulder.

Michael felt her heart clench at the desperation in his voice, she had never heard Pike sound so vulnerable. On the surface he was always the strong immovable Captain. Seeing and hearing him like this was an unwelcome reminder that they were all just human.

"Its me Captain, I'm here." Spock soothingly reassured.

For the second time she felt her legs tremble and Michael really didn’t know where to look. She didn’t want her brother noticing her surprise but she was sure he caught her reaction anyway. Those words and that tone were just so alien for Spock, but not unwelcome. She was glad he and Chris were close enough to be like this.

"Spo..." The Captain’s mumble fell away when a nasty jolt sent him spiralling back into unconsciousness.

Michael frowned at Pike in concern but Spock waved her anxiousness away. “He's still alive Michael." He indicated with his eyes that he was holding the Captains arm, in constant contact with his surface mind. "However he is in a lot of pain and in need of rest." 

Spock’s face was tense and twitched every now and again almost like he was experiencing some of that pain, perhaps that was a side effect of being linked to the Captain. Michael understood the urgency and picked up the pace, bashing through the forest undergrowth with anew determination.


	3. Chapter 3

Michael leaned into the warmth of the fire, staring into the depths of the licking flames, mesmerised by the ever changing effect. The fire did not know of their suffering, the fire did not know of the blood and misery and the fire did not know of Michael’s turmoil, didn’t know her most intimate secret. She lost herself in the flames and the ambience of the cave.

The sounds in the cave were like a soundtrack looping over and over, the crackle from the flames, Spock’s even breathing, the Captain’s pained grunts and laboured breathing, her own heart beating too fast. Every now and again an anguished whimper would tear her gaze from the flames. She would frown deeply and take in the Captain’s miserable expression, and she would watch agony flit across his face. Thankfully the episode would only last a few seconds and after leaning into the warmth of the fire the Captain would soon settle, relaxing as well as he could given the circumstances.

When Spock and Michael had first brought the Captain into the cave he had remained unconscious, even when they had shifted him to make him comfortable near the heat source. Michael had cleaned Pike up as best she could, wiping away the blood and grime from his face with a damp towel. She had been trying to keep his temperature under control ever since, sometimes he would shiver violently and be cold to touch whilst others he felt as though he was burning hotter than the fire.

Michael tore her gaze from the flames and made her way over to Chris who was in another of his episodes, thrashing about in a pain-induced haze. Spock watched her movements carefully which Michael ignored, she already felt like she was falling apart. The last thing she wanted was for her brother to see her inner turmoil, to see how her heart was being ripped to shreds every time she caught sight of Chris’ pain, to see how close she was to breaking apart. Keeping busy was the only thing that kept her heart in one piece; kept her body moving, kept the ticking tock on the Captain’s life at bay.

She waited until Pike’s whimpers died down and he fell under the dark veil then she got to work. Michael checked all the bandages on his chest and winced when she saw how soaked through the majority of them were. She only had a small amount of material left to work with so set about reinforcing the current load, thankful at least that the bleeding had appeared to have slowed down. Still the Captain had already lost far too much blood and she was pretty sure there was some internal organ damage, he needed proper medical attention aboard Discovery or he was going to…

_Stop it!_ She berated herself, squeezing her eyes shut tightly to hold back tears. Chris was not going to die, _he couldn’t._

Michael felt her heart ache when she saw the gory wound underneath the makeshift bandages; his shoulder was a complete mess. Huge chunks of flesh and muscle had been ripped away from the joint and hung down over his chest; she couldn’t imagine the kind of pain he was in. All they’d had between them was some basics from Spock’s medical kit, a few painkillers that had barely taken the edge off and some emergency antibiotics to keep infection at bay for a short time.

Even if Pike survived the night with the amount of blood he had lost, his wounds would most likely succumb to infection. He was already showing signs of it with the wild changes in temperature and early signs of fever. The Captain needed real medicine and proper painkillers.

She didn’t think she would ever forget his screams. Right from the moment the beast sunk it’s jaws into his flesh to the cave when they had to change his bandages the first time. He had predictably thrashed and fought against their hands, delirious with pain and wanting the burning to stop. Chris couldn’t hear his friends, all that existed for him was ever-lasting misery.

Michael remembered feeling tears run down her face as she fought to keep him down so Spock could get at the wounds. Mercifully Spock had managed to touch the Captain’s mind with his own and Pike had stilled somewhat. Spock had blanketed the Captain’s mind with as much warmth as he could muster until he could finally be at peace in his own head and fall back into unconsciousness. Since then he had been mostly quiet, sometimes muttering or shifting a little too much, lost deep in the throes of fevered dreams.

"Are we going to talk about this?" Spock was watching her carefully as she tightened several bandages.

Michael knew exactly what Spock wanted to talk about but didn’t let on, this was not something she was willing to discuss and with her brother of all people. “Talk about what Spock?”

Spock didn’t pull any punches. "You are in love with the Captain.”

Michael was completely speechless. Hearing it out loud like that, said so casually, from her brother no less. It made it all so frighteningly real, it made her chest clench tightly, it made it difficult to breath. 

"You looked into my mind." She breathed angrily, knowing she had been right earlier when Spock had looked at her.

"I knew even before I saw your mind.”

“How?"

"How could I not.” 

Michael was sick of the verbal ping pong, she wanted a straight answer. Spock noticed Michael’s anger so clarified his findings. "The way you look at him, your physical reactions when you talk about him: your heart rate increases, your pupils dilate. When he's around you retreat into your own private world.”

Michael glanced from Chris’ face to her brothers, was she really that transparent? Had Spock known before she had? ”I never realised." Michael whispered.

"We are often blind to what others see so plainly.”

Michael pulled her hands away from Chris and rested her head in them miserably; she could feel tears threatening to topple and furiously wiped them away. She did not want Spock seeing her like this.

She heard him shuffle closer. “I sensed your conflictions sister, you don’t need to continue punishing yourself.”

“Spock stop.” Michael’s voice shook lightly. She hated how her brother could see right through her.

Spock didn’t stop in fact he actually moved to sit right beside her, resting his hand on her shoulder. “You deserve to be happy Michael.”

Michael lifted her tear-stained face to look at her brother and saw no deceit in his expression; he was trying to help her out of the despair she kept falling into. She gulped and glanced at Chris sadly, fresh tears forming when the real harsh truth bubbled to the surface. Of course Spock saw what was troubling her most and what had been ever since she had become aware of her infatuation.

Eventually Spock broke the silence. “Christopher Pike is the best man I have ever known.” Michael turned to her brother and saw the admiration that shone from his face, he watched the Captain fondly. He then turned his piercing gaze on Michael. “And you are not unworthy next to him.”

Michael felt her resolve weaken and crumble completely, tears falling freely unhindered and unhidden from her brother. How could Spock see through her like this? How could he cut straight through all her insecurities and fears like this? The truth was Spock was the only one who could tell her something like that and she would believe it, Spock didn’t lie just to make people feel better. Michael felt humbled that her brother had so much faith in her, more faith than she had in herself.

"You need to tell him Michael.”

"How can I? Especially now when we're not even sure…"

"He is not going to die." Spock snapped and pulled his hand away from Michael displaying unusual emotion.

Michael wasn't the only one emotionally compromised by their Captain’s injuries. Spock schooled his expression brutally and ran his hands over his face wearily. When he was composed he glanced at Pike forlornly, a sad gleam in his eyes. It was odd the Captain actually looked somewhat peaceful now in the firelight. 

"Whatever our fates, if you do not do this you will always regret not following your heart." 

Michael just about held back a sob, when did her brother get so involved like this? In matters of the heart. She purposefully kept her eyes off the Captain’s face and dove for an escape, just like she always did. "If he's not going to die then what's the rush? Why now?”

Spock caught on to the attempt easily and caught her gaze fiercely. "Why not now?”

_God,_ Michael hated verbally sparring with her brother, it never worked out well for her. She sighed sadly and looked down at Pike's face, automatically reaching out to brush away strands of hair that had fallen across his eyes. "I don’t want to burden him with this." And by _this_ she meant her undying love for her Captain.

Spock watched her quietly. "How do you know it would be a burden?”

Something in his tone made her suspicious like he knew something she didn’t; still that didn’t change things she knew deep down this was one-sided. "He could never reciprocate what I feel for him and I don’t want this to ruin our friendship.”

Spock studied her carefully then his gaze shifted back down to the Captain. "I wouldn't be so sure of that.”

Before Michael could interrogate him further Spock sprang to his feet and headed out towards the mouth of the cave. "I'm going to check on our signal and get some more burning material.” Then just like that he was gone, staring wistfully at his Captain once more before disappearing into the night.

Michael felt something shift under her hand and realised she was still touching the Captains face. She pulled her hand away as though she had been burned. Chris was awake and he was looking at her dazed and confused. _Dammit._ Spock had probably felt him waking up and had given her this chance alone, no more escape hatches no other ways out. She would have to face her feelings now.

The Captain’s pain filled eyes found hers and he blinked away the fog, and when his vision focussed a small smile tugged at his lips. "Hi." He croaked quietly.

It was the most beautiful sound Michael had ever heard and she resisted the urge to cry. "Hi." She managed back.

Michael gave him a moment as he got his bearings and glanced round the cave, wincing badly as he shifted his shoulder. He eyed it and the amount of blood he was soaked in with disgust. Suddenly he seemed to remember something and panicked as he looked round the room and couldn't find what he was looking for.

"Spock?!" He even tried to sit up which was not a good idea in his state.

Michael gripped him gently and held him down. “He's fine. Just collecting more fire wood." Michael reassured him.

The Captain’s brow furrowed as he took in the words but he eventually relaxed when she again promised that Spock was just fine. Pike then noticed the fire and leant into the warmth and comfort it provided, he watched the flames dance for a few moments in contemplation. "What happened?”

Michael hadn’t expected memory loss but she supposed Pike had been delirious for some time. ”You don’t remember.”

"Flashes." He admitted finally, wincing as he shifted and his wounds flared.

"You tackled a vicious monster, and saved my life." Michael caught his attention and gripped his hand tightly. “Thank you.”

"Anytime." He casually replied, smiling and squeezing her hand right back. Michael wanted to hit him because of how flippant he sounded. This was his life they were talking about here, it was precious. She let it go when she saw a wave of agony cross his face he had suffered enough.

Michael glanced round the cave and his eyes followed. "We had to find shelter; this place was relatively close by and Spock has built a signal outside to ward off predators and hopefully guide Discovery." 

Pike nodded thoughtfully, although his eyes had a faraway look about them like he wasn't really following everything 100%. "Our equipment?”

Michael shook her head sadly. Spock had attempted his plan of tying them all together but to no avail. "Sorry Sir, for the mean time we're stuck down here.”

Pike groaned audibly and held his side with one hand, clenching Michael's with the other. Michael held him as he rode through waves of agony wishing she could take his pain away. Eventually he stilled again and looked up at her, frowning when he noticed the tears that were escaping against her permission.

He blearily reached up to her face and wiped away her tears gently; she leaned into the touch automatically and revelled in the softness and warmth of his hands. 

"What's wrong?" He asked concerned only for her even though he was the one laying on the ground with holes gouged out of him.

Michael laughed and sobbed at the same time. "You're laying here like this and you ask me that?”

Chris sobered. "How bad is it?”

Michael swallowed deeply and glanced at the blood soaked bandages she and Spock had administered, the bleeding had slowed but he had already lost too much. If Discovery didn't show up soon then they were in big trouble. "You've lost a lot of blood." Michael answered honestly.

Her expression must have said so much more because Chris seemed to accept something then. "No wonder I feel like death warmed up." He muttered darkly attempting a smile before giving up when a flash of fear crossed his face. "Honestly I can’t feel much of anything.”

Michael was stuck between laughing and crying. The numb feeling he was describing was not a good sign; his body was shutting down. She took his hand in hers and brushed it against her lips wanting to feel warmth there.

Pike gripped her hand weakly. "Hey, this isn't your fault.”

Michael shook her head disagreeing. "The monster attacked me, if I had…"

Pike sent her a warning look. "It was my choice Michael." His gaze softened and he stroked her hand. "One I would make again in a heartbeat.”

Michael marvelled at the strength he was displaying, how could he be so strong like this with the state he was in, the agony he was in? It emboldened her and with Spock’s words of advice swirling round her mind she dived in.

"I'm not sure if this is the right time. I don’t think there's ever going to be a right time." She chuckled nervously and looked at him to make sure she had his full attention. "But I need to get this off my chest, incase we don’t..."

She choked back a sob and leaned into him closer, wanting to feel his warmth against her chest. She couldn't finish that sentence even if she wanted to. It was too heartbreaking too even contemplate so she didn’t; she firmly stuck to what she wanted to say.

Michael closed her eyes took a deep breath then looked into his crystal blue eyes and poured her heart out. "Ever since you came aboard Discovery everyone has admired you. The way you put duty and honour before anything else, your sacrifice, your compassion, your abiding love for life. You’ve shown us what it’s like to serve with honour, what we can all aspire towards.”

She almost stopped there when she saw what effect her words were having on him, he looked like he was about to burst into tears. But she ploughed on, she'd already started this and Spock was right. She'd regret it forever if she didn’t get this off her chest.

"What I'm trying to say is you’re a great man, the best Captain and we all love you." She gulped then threw herself into the confession. "I love you.”

There the words were said out loud. Her most dangerous secret out in the open for judgement. It was funny how easy it had been to say in the end, how natural it had felt saying it to his face. Michael watched his expression silently and saw when it landed, what she truly meant landed. His eyes widened and he mimed an _oh,_ shocked that she had gone there.

Michael wasn't sure what reaction she had been expecting but she certainly hadn't expected him to smile, nor to grin brighter than a pulsar star. He took her hand in his brought it up to his lips and kissed it, his soft lips lingering there for a few moments. He looked into her face and Michael started at how different he looked, she wasn't great with emotions but he seemed happy.

"Thank you Michael." He croaked in a gravelly tone, thick with emotion. He frowned a little then shook the expression away. 

"I." Whatever he was trying to say he was struggling with, Michael waited patiently on tenter hooks. He opened his eyes again and she saw tears forming there. "I love you too.”

Of all the words to tumble from his lips Michael had not expected that, not expected her feelings to be reciprocated like this. Her forehead creased in confusion and her mouth felt drier than Vulcan in peak summer, eventually she managed to form words. "How long?”

Pike smiled softly. "Too long.”

Michael almost burst out laughing, she would have done if it weren’t for the serious situation. They had both kept schtum for so long but now it was out in the open. It had only taken this to get here, _God why had they left it until now?_

"I wish it hadn't taken this to get here." Michael admitted wistfully, staring down at his wounds.

He tracked her tears with his eyes. "Me too.”

Chris suddenly gripped her hand tightly and his muscles spasmed, and he groaned loudly as his insides twisted and burned. Eventually the attack subsided and his breathing returned to normal, although a fresh sheen of sweat peppered his skin.

Michael took the damp cloth and wiped away the muck and blood, feeling tears fall freely from her face again. "I don’t think I can watch you die." She confessed barely above a whisper.

Chris caught it anyway and she watched a shiver run through him. Then he did the impossible and comforted her, he was dying and still thinking of others. It only made her love him more and made this entire moment that much more difficult. 

Suddenly he had a bright idea, his eyes lighting up with a familiar look. Michael watched him inquisitively noticing the way his eyes wandered to her lips.

"Kiss me." He commanded, raw with _emotion, want, and desire._ Michael clocked his pupils darken and felt his heart race beneath her. She stuttered and thought for a moment her mind was playing tricks on her, surely Chris, her Captain had not just asked that.

He saw her confusion and added a plea. “Please."

She sobered when she realised this was what he wanted most in his final hours, his dying request. The thought made her want to tear her own heart out. She couldn't do this. "You're not going to die." She spoke resolutely, realising how much she must have sounded like Spock.

Chris smiled playfully, a twinkle in his eye. "Then this wont be our last kiss.”

Michael snorted and looked up to the ceiling with disbelief. Even now like this he could spar with the best of them. She glanced down at him sadly and saw his expression sober. "Michael if I'm going to die, I want to live first." 

That broke her into pieces and she knew there and then she would do anything for him in this moment, to honour his request as it could be his final one. The plea was so desperate and visceral she couldn't ignore it.

"Okay." She breathed, not believing that she was about to do this.

She saw his face relax and stared at his lips, wondering how they would feel on her own. Knowing he couldn't lift himself up Michael leant down to him, slowly, excruciatingly slowly. She stopped just shy of his lips and held there; staring into his eyes and simply breathing with him. She could see such pain in those depths, but she could also see desire and knew her pupils would mirror his.

"Are you sure about this?" She asked one last time, giving him the opportunity to let them both off the hook.

He never took his eyes off her and answered immediately. “Yes."

That was all she needed. Michael descended on his lips with unbounded passion, hot and fast. Crashing into him like a water dam collapsing. She thought belatedly that maybe she was going too fast that maybe she was hurting him. But he was right there with her leaning up to take her mouth in a lightening fiery kiss; his hand coming up to pull her in closer at the nape of her neck.

Michael moaned into his mouth feeling her tears and his melding together in their incandescent fit of lust. Her hand came to rest in his hair raking through it just like she had in her dreams. Reality in comparison was so indescribable that it almost felt like it should be a dream.

They both got drunk on each other instantly chasing each others tongues like two swirling tornadoes; crashing into each other again and again with unfettered desire and passion. Michael heard him gasp and chased the sound, latching onto his moan of pleasure and swallowing it within her own mouth. They could have been in this moment for eternity and neither would have noticed.

Sadly though all good things eventually had to end. Michael pulled away first, breathless and shaking. She opened her eyes and stared at Chris who was also struggling to breath; she felt a little guilty because he hadn’t been able to breathe well in the first place.

They stared into each others eyes for some time and let their racing hearts crash down to normality, both panting from exhaustion. Michael stroked his hair, Chris caressed her face. They were intimate, happy, _connected._

Which was of course when everything went to hell. Michael noticed something was seriously wrong when Chris’ eyes started dropping and she noticed his face loose all colour. She leapt upright and yelled for Spock, pressing the bandages against his wounds again. He barely even flinched which was another worrying sign.

She screamed for Spock again but heard nothing come back from the entrance of the cave; panic filled her as Chris closed his eyes. Michael slapped him across the face until his eyes blinked open. "Stay with me Captain." She screamed hysterically, desperately trying to hold his body together with her own.

Michael yelled for her brother until her voice was raw. She pressed the shoulder wound like it would push the blood back into Chris's body. All the while he stared up at her with bruised lips and the flicker of a smile on his face. She kept thinking back to that beautiful moment they had shared and couldn't help but remember how final it had felt, like it was a goodbye. But no she wouldn't let it be.

When his eyes dropped dangerously again she got angry. "Don't you dare Chris, that is not going to be our last kiss. Do you hear me?”

He just grinned in return and then his face was overcome with pain, his eyes closing tightly to ride it out. When he opened them again Michael almost sobbed as she saw how grey his eyes looked, like he was just barely handing on.

Chris reached out a hand to touch her face. "Hold that thought…"

Michael cried out to the stars as his hand dropped to his side becoming limp, and his eyes closed shut.


	4. Chapter 4

Chris drifted from place to place; floating from existence to nothingness. He was unsure of where he was, what he was or what was happening. Everything felt distant, foggy, indistinct. He tried to latch onto anything long enough to mean something, and tried to grasp fleeting memories of the past. No matter how hard he tried he couldn’t focus, he could’t remember how he came to be here; wherever here was. 

Somehow he came back to his body and he opened his eyes, blinking in the unfamiliar surroundings and frowning heavily. He felt strange, weightless, almost like someone had messed with the gravity. Chris glanced round the space and saw a barren and desolate landscape, it reminded him oddly of home but that couldn’t be right. He hadn’t been anywhere near Earth for months.

The more he studied the landscape the fuzzier and less clear it became, and a persistent thought kept tugging at his mind: this place wasn’t real and nothing here was a part of his world. The thought didn’t really help him, if he couldn’t remember anything recent then why couldn’t this be real?

A sharp pain struck like lightening forking straight through his head. Chris gasped and clutched his head miserably and willed the images to stop flipping so madly, it was making him feel nauseous and dizzy. Flashes of memories resurfaced with each passing second: he saw a rainforest, watched the wonder in Spock’s eyes when he interacted with the light creatures, he remembered Michael’s joy watching her brother work.

The memories and feelings associated flashed faster and faster, striking into him with a nasty jolt over and over again. Each image brought such emotion and confusion that he soon felt his body tumble to the ground under the weight of the past.

Out of nowhere he felt fear encroach in the world, he felt unbounded dark terror reach out and wrap its icy tentacles around his throat. His breath stilled and he shivered against the cold abyss. He watched a dark creature leap at Michael and slash at her viciously, sending her flying backwards in a mist of crimson. The panic seized his heart tightly and he was moving towards the creature on autopilot, not able to shake away the sight of a monster snapping its jaws that closely to Michael’s head.

The Captain remembered tackling the beast and shoving it away from Michael, only worried about getting between it and her before it lashed out again. After that there was only pain. His shoulder suddenly got hot, growing hotter than a naked flame. Pike gripped the muscle tightly and glanced down at it, blinking and taken aback when his hands came away soaked in blood.

When the hell had that happened? That was when the agony struck. Chris yelled out at the sky until his throat was hoarse, invisible strikes slashed his body again and again, like a whip lashing out. Just when he thought the torture would continue forever something colossal ripped its teeth into his shoulder and pulled.

His head hit the ground with a nauseating thud, his whole body felt like it was burning; like fire was everywhere. Pike’s chest felt like it was being torn apart beneath him; his heart pounded madly until everything went dark and the barren landscape disappeared, leaving him alone in the blackness.

Chris whimpered when further spikes of agony struck him on all sides; all he wanted to do was escape the never-ending torture, he just wanted to the burning to stop. He had no concept of time and had lost all sense of what was real, but eventually the misery subsided and he started to lose feeling everywhere. He couldn’t get up, he couldn’t move, his body was becoming numb.

He felt something damp on his cheeks and reached up to feel tears escaping from his eyes, oddly he felt wet splashes drop onto his face but when he opened his eyes he saw nothing. The weightless feeling returned and he had the oddest feeling that he was being lifted somewhere, something shifted in his shoulder causing his head to slam back into the ground and he cried out against the fresh wave of pain. He had been so close to peace, peace without pain. Why couldn’t he just rest?

Echoes of sounds and voices drifted by without consequence, nothing he could latch onto or understand. Out of nowhere water splashed onto his face again and he felt a cool breeze, his mind supplied that it was rain but there was no atmosphere here, no anything. 

He closed his eyes exhausted and weary, falling limp and letting go again. Chris shivered when he felt lips brush against his, warm and soft. There was no-one there but the name that came to mind was Michael. He lost himself in that kiss, the feeling of life against his face, swallowing the moans of pleasure that echoed round his mind. Chris could have stayed in that moment forever; the pulse of heat that stirred in his chest, the feeling of Michael’s tongue sparring with his, the taste of Michael on his tongue.

Pike’s eyes shot open and he sucked in air greedily, gasping like a fish out of water. He jumped back into consciousness like he’d been ripped from some other dimension; it sure felt like someone had yanked him back into existence. Everything was alright for a second, until it wasn’t.

He groaned and thrashed against the agony, letting his head crash against the _pillow?_ That was new, and squeezed his eyes shut trying to bring the unfettered misery under control. So much burned. If his body had been numb before it definitely wasn’t now. Chris had honestly thought he was dying, hell he was pretty sure he had died. But death surely couldn’t hurt like this and death probably wouldn’t have pillows and smell and sound like sick bay.

Pike heard alarms blare all around him and felt hands press him gently but firmly down against the bed, setting his whole body alight. He groaned and resisted the touch wanting to get up and see what the hell was going on. He wanted to find out where he was and see that Michael was okay.

The Captain felt a warm hand grip his and an oddly familiar voice whisper near his ear; telling him everything was okay, that he was safe. Chris leaned into the soothing voice and fell back into the bed feeling hands and instruments brush against his skin. He heard a hiss and some pressure against his neck then the pain faded to nothing; the bed fell away to nothing and he floated into the darkness.

The next time he woke he returned to consciousness far slower than before and there was a hell of a lot less panicking involved. The first thing to break through to his addled brain was the sounds of sickbay and a steady beeping, followed by bustling then general muttering nearby. He started to feel more of his body wake up and actually felt like he wasn’t just a floating head.

Thankfully the burning fire from earlier was gone, although the ache remained but mercifully it was numbed. His skin felt less hot and sticky also he didn’t feel like he had been dipped in oil and set alight which was always a bonus. Taking stock of the injuries Pike realised he could hardly feel his shoulder and his chest felt like it was detached from his body; he realised he must be blissfully high on painkillers and the feeling was heavenly.

Not wanting a repeat performance of earlier the Captain took his time to let awareness come back to him. From the flashes of confused memories he was pretty sure that he had awoken in a frenzied panic earlier, deeply enthralled by fever. _How embarrassing._

Chris blearily opened his eyes and squinted against the change in light; it had been dimmed so it didn’t worsen the almighty headache he already had. His sight soon adjusted and the blurry ceiling of sick bay became clear, so far so good. Feeling like he was on a roll Pike glanced down at his body and was a little taken aback by all the bandages: they were covering every inch of his chest. No wonder why he could barely feel half of his body.

He stretched his shoulder tentatively and felt the sudden urge to itch the skin indicating that it was most probably freshly knitted. Other than the itchiness though there was no pain and he could wiggle his fingers so everything appeared to be in working order, on the surface at least.

“You’re awake.” A soft voice called out from his left.

Chris turned to the voice and smiled as he laid eyes on the only good thing that had graced his dreams: Michael. She was sat curled up in a chair and by the looks of it had made herself comfortable: a mug and data pad discarded beside her. She looked tired and weary telling Pike everything he needed to know about how long she had been here; he appreciated not being alone but seriously Michael needed to take care of herself too.

“So it would seem.” He tested out his voice and was happy it didn’t sound too hoarse. He remembered doing a lot of yelling but to be honest he might have imagined half of it.

Michael leaned forward in her chair and gripped his hand in hers tentatively at first as though she needed permission to touch him. Chris reached out the rest of the way and took hold of her outstretched hand breathing in deeply as he touched her, both familiar and not, proof that he was alive and this was real.

Michael smiled sadly focussing on his bandages. “You had me worried.”

Chris squeezed her hand gently and flashed his most disarming smile. “Sorry.”

The look worked for him. Michael’s grin grew warmer if that were even possible and he noticed her eyes sparkle. Pike sobered as he realised there was something he was missing, someone he should be concerned for other than Michael. The name slammed into him like a freight train and he slapped himself for forgetting Spock until now.

“Is Spock alright?” He asked urgently looking round sickbay but catching no sign of the Vulcan.

Michael smiled and patted his arm calmingly. “He’s fine. He’s been by numerous times to see if you were awake yet.”

Pike relaxed back into the pillow. If Spock was fine and Michael was right here next to him then his urgent concerns were unfounded. His mind flew back to the planet and remembered the vague flashes, it all got a bit blurry in places and after the cave, after that kiss he couldn’t remember a thing.

“What happened?”

“What was the last thing you remember?” Michael asked, eyes lighting up with interest.

Chris thought back to his last living memory and felt the ghost of Michael’s lips against his own, heard the moans of pleasure he chased and swallowed in their hot sticky embrace, the feeling of her breath against his face, her hands in his hair pulling for more. He brushed his lips with his fingers remembering the feeling of Michael there; wishing she still was. Christ he could still even taste her; a mixture of mint, honey and warmth.

She clocked his reaction and expression, an unrestrained smile spreading across her face. “You remember.”

Pike stared right back at her, his desire rekindled. “How could I forget?” He teased cheekily.

Michael blushed deliciously. She glanced round and made sure they were alone before sobering again, keeping her eyes off his face. He had noticed that she had been staring at his lips too. “Do you remember what we discussed before…” She gestured between the two of them.

Pike chuckled at her awkwardness but softened as he answered seriously, for some reason Michael was insecure and he needed that cleared up pronto. “I remember Michael, and I meant what I said.” He took her hand in his and rubbed soothing circles into her soft skin with his thumb, mirroring his touch from the cave. “Every word.”

He watched his words land; Michael’s pupils dilated fully and he felt her pulse race between his touch. She was affected as he was. She shook her head as if that was going to shake away the effect he was having on her, Chris smirked when it did nothing of the sort. 

“Ah you’re awake.” Doctor Pollard’s intrusion into their little world was a surprise, and Chris watched Michael jump back snatching her hand from his. It was too little too late, one half amused look from the Doctor told them that they weren’t fooling anyone. She had seen everything.

Doctor Pollard smirked at the pair like she had caught them snogging on the back of the school bus but made no further comment, falling into her role without missing a beat. “You’re lucky to be alive Captain.”

Chris stilled, the warmth from Michael’s hand had vanished and now reality came crashing down around him. The happiness in the room disappeared when he remembered how difficult it had been on the planet to hang on; he had known he was close to falling even then. “How bad was it?”

The Doctor sighed heavily then pulled up some scans on a nearby screen pointing to several areas. Pike swallowed deeply as he looked at the damage; it was extensive and covered the majority of his chest. “You suffered severe wounds to your chest and shoulder, whatever bit into you nearly tore your arm off. We had a lot of work to do to repair the damage but with some therapy there’s no reason why you shouldn’t have full use of your shoulder back.”

Chris shivered at the thought, he hadn’t realised he had been that close to losing a limb. He realised the Doctor was studying him carefully like she was seeing if he was okay to carry on. He nodded numbly and glanced at the next screen.

Doctor Pollard continued her breakdown. “When you were brought in you had already crashed once, we had to restart your heart but it hasn’t given us cause for concern since.”

So he _had_ died. Well that was… troubling.

“You were also running a very high fever because the wounds had become infected. Also the amount of blood you lost was _worrying_ for some time.” Pike caught the way she had emphasised _worrying_ , for the Doctor to actually admit she was worried made him deeply concerned.

“Still, with all that in mind I’m pleased to say you’re doing remarkably well. You should make a full recovery in the next couple of days, as long as you don’t strain any of the regenerated muscles and skin.” She wagged a finger at him in warning so the Captain felt suddenly abashed. He plastered a smile of innocence on his face like he knew nothing of what she was talking about.

Pollard scoffed and shook her head, completely oblivious to his charm, and not believing for a second that he was unaware of how bad a patient he could be. She glanced between Pike and Michael and wagged a warning finger at Michael too. “Make sure you let him rest soon Michael.” She got to her feet and moved outside of their space. “I’ll give you some privacy.” 

With that she disappeared and a privacy screen shimmered into life around them; blocking out their view of the outside world and leaving him and Michael alone in their own little world. If he didn’t know any better he would have said Doctor Pollard was playing matchmaker.

Chris watched Michael silently and resisted the urge to laugh; she looked like a deer caught in the headlights and he had to admit it was a funny sight. He reached out for her hand and felt ten times better when she latched onto it.

“She knows.” Michael whispered mortified.

Chris sobered as he watched Michael struggle with the weight of this. She had been coping for god knew how many days with him on the brink of death, it couldn’t have been easy. 

“She won’t tell anyone Michael.” He knew Doctor Pollard and she was not one for gossip not when people’s feelings were involved.

Michael nodded a few times and seemed to agree with his assessment, her shoulders relaxed a tad and Pike frowned as he clocked how tense she had been. Michael then groaned and held her head in her hands. “Spock knows.”

Chris blinked in shock unsure he had heard correctly, how the hell had Spock found out? He wasn’t sure if that fact scared him more than the idea of the whole ship knowing. “He does?” He just about managed.

Michael opened her eyes and stared at him, something shifting inside her and the tension in her shoulders bled away entirely. A curious reaction, Pike would have thought her brother knowing would be a bad thing. _Apparently not._

“Actually he sort of pushed me into telling you, in the cave. I think he gave us his blessing.”

Pike almost forgot how to breathe, it just didn’t compute. Spock giving someone advice on love, now that was something he would pay good money to see. He couldn’t wait to interrogate and tease his friend about this later. “Oh, I would have loved to see that.” He grinned cheekily.

Michael swatted his arm playfully but he was thankful to see the last of her tension ease away and she leaned into his space unabashed again, forgetting the outside world at least for now. “My brother meddles like no other, I’m pretty sure he’s known about our feelings for weeks. He probably just got tired watching us skirt around the issue with each other.”

Pike laughed heartily imagining Spock getting annoyed that the two humans couldn’t see as plainly what he could, that they were both under the wrong impression that their feelings were one sided. “Spock the matchmaker.” He tested out the words and grinned at how foreign they sounded; he never thought he would say Spock’s name and the word ‘matchmaker’ in the same sentence. 

Michael snorted and they sat in companionable silence for a while, playing over Spock’s part in their union and happy that he had given them the final push towards each other. Pike owed him big time, for showing him and Michael what they couldn’t see for themselves. It was funny how blind you could be when you were in something.

Michael broke the silence when she suddenly remembered something and smirked triumphantly. “I was right.”

Pike tilted his head to the side and pursed his lips, the conversation had taken a confusing turn and he felt like he had missed something or hadn’t been listening properly. Michael noticed his puzzled expression so clarified. “I told you you weren’t going to die.”

The Captain flew back to the memory when he had pleaded with Michael to share his final moments with her; he wasn’t naturally a pessimist but something about that moment had felt so final. He had believed he was dying, technically he had died but he wouldn’t split hairs over the matter knowing it would only hurt Michael, bringing up a fresh memory like that.

He smirked right back remembering his own response back then. “Then that wasn’t our last kiss.” He caught a sense of insecurity flash across her face, he reached up to cup her cheek gently, revelling in her soft skin. “I don’t regret it if that’s what you’re worried about.”

Chris wanted it out in the open: his love for Michael Burnham. They had waited too long already and almost lost any chance of living this. Pike wanted whatever Michael would give him, wishing it would be everything.

She smiled sadly but leaned into his touch, a little surprised that he could read her so well. At least his words seemed to have abated most of her fears. Michael looked at him like she was looking into his soul. “I don’t either.”

Just like that everything was right in the world, sick bay fell away and it was just the two of them. Pike studied her face, caressed her cheek slowly and tugged her head closer to his, unbelievable want welling inside his body. He watched her lips as she licked them in slow motion, meeting her eyes and seeing her pupils widen and her breath hitch.

Michael leaned over into his space never breaking eye contact on her way down, her hand resting against his face twirling his hair round her fingers slowly. Chris shivered at her touch, all his nerve endings coming alive when she moved lower towards his mouth, they watched each other breathing neither willing to make the final move.

Chris searched her eyes and saw all he needed to there, she wanted _this_ as much as he did, whatever this was going to be. Right now all he could think of were her lips on his, the ghost of them still there from the cave. All he wanted was to taste her again.

Losing the battle of wills Chris tugged her face to his gently and leaned up, capturing her lips with his own. He pressed against them deliberately slowly, revelling in the shape, the feeling, the taste.

Michael followed him down to the bed, parting her mouth slightly and tilting her head to the side, her lips starting to chase his. Chris moved his hand to her hair and relished the warmth and softness there, he felt her mirror his movements and bury her hands in his hair completely, running her fingers through it sending endless shivers through his body.

Chris catalogued everything; the touch of her mouth, the smell of fruit in her hair, the way her breathing hitched when he sped up his assault, the way her eyes sparkled with delight when he tugged her closer to his mouth.

They slowly picked up the pace until they were fully involved in one another, their lips locking together and mouths widening, desire to get more and more of one another fuelling their entanglement.

When Michael’s tongue began to bat against his mouth Chris couldn’t help but moan; he stopped resisting and gave her full entry into the kiss, teasing her with his. Their tongues were busy getting acquainted like two old friends. 

As their passion deepened and they lost themselves in one another Chris couldn’t help but be reminded of the cave, more importantly of the last time he had tasted Michael on his tongue. The kisses were so starkly different, each telling a different story and speaking a different message. Earlier their tongues had crashed together like two fighters clashing, but now they twirled deliberately like dancers.

The kiss earlier had been desperate, filled with burning passion like everything was on the verge of ending, final: a goodbye. 

This kiss was the complete opposite. It was blissfully hopeful, measured and gentle, slow like they had all the time in the world. It was a promise for the future: the start of something new.

_Finis_


End file.
